By 
There is a ritual most of us perform before every birthday, anniversary, festival, wedding, or promotion.
We open WhatsApp. Or whatever messaging app we use most.
We type: “Hey… what do you want?”
We wait.
Three dots appear. Disappear. Reappear. And then comes the reply that solves nothing:
“Oh nothing yaar.”
“Anything is fine.”
“Don’t get me anything.”
“Surprise me.”
Conversation over. Confusion begins. If you’ve ever stood in a store or scrolled endlessly online after that exchange, you already know the truth: asking “What do you want?” on WhatsApp almost never works.
Not because people don’t know what they want.
Not because you don’t care enough.
And certainly not because messaging platforms are flawed.
It fails because the question itself is emotionally, socially, and practically complicated. Let’s unpack why.
The biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.
– George Bernard Shaw
1. The Politeness Trap
When you ask someone directly what they want, you unintentionally place them in a socially awkward position.
– If they say something specific, they risk sounding demanding.
– If they say something expensive, they fear sounding entitled. And sometimes it’s not even entitlement they worry about — it’s accidentally asking for something beyond your budget and putting you in an awkward position.
– If they say something small, they might feel undervalued.
So what feels safest?
“Anything is fine.”
“Nothing, yaar.”
“Hey, just come — don’t bring anything.”
These responses aren’t rejection. They’re protection.
Protection from sounding demanding.
Protection from misjudging your budget.
Protection from creating an awkward imbalance.
Sometimes “don’t bring anything” doesn’t mean I want nothing. It means I don’t want to put you in a difficult spot or receive something not of their taste. It’s emotional courtesy disguised as indifference. And that’s exactly why the guessing game begins. This isn’t dishonesty. It’s conditioning. Most of us were raised to avoid appearing materialistic. Even adults struggle to articulate desires without feeling self-conscious.
On a fast-moving chat window like WhatsApp, there’s little emotional space for nuance. No tone. No body language. Just text. And text often flattens sincerity into awkwardness. So people retreat into vagueness. And you are left guessing.
2. Desire Is Contextual, Not Instant
“What do you want?” sounds simple. But desire is rarely a ready-made answer waiting in someone’s head.
It depends on:
- Their current life phase
- Budget comfort
- Health changes
- Hobbies
- Emotional state
- What they already own
- What they’re trying to avoid buying
Most people don’t maintain a mental inventory of “giftable items.” So when the question pops up randomly in the middle of a busy day — while they’re commuting, working, or cooking — their brain defaults to the easiest exit:
“Nothing.”
It’s not that they want nothing. It’s that thinking about it properly requires reflection. A quick call or a SMS or WhatsApp doesn’t create that reflective environment.
3. The Surprise Illusion
There’s also this invisible cultural pressure that gifts must be surprises. When someone says “Surprise me,” they’re often trying to preserve the magic. But here’s the paradox: surprises only feel magical when they align with the person.
A wrong surprise isn’t romantic. It’s wasteful.
Yet we keep trying to balance two competing forces:
- Don’t tell me, I want to be surprised.
- But also, please get it right.
That tension cannot be solved in a one-line message exchange.
4. The Budget Discomfort
Let’s talk about the awkward elephant in the chat window. Budget.
When you ask, “What do you want?” you rarely specify a range. The other person doesn’t know:
- Is this a ₹1,000 gift or ₹10,000?
- Is it symbolic or practical?
- Is this from one person or a group?
Without financial context, most people self-censor. They downscale their real preferences to avoid making you uncomfortable. This is how someone who actually needs a high-quality office chair ends up saying, “Maybe just a book.”
Quick call or WhatsApp doesn’t encourage structured clarity. It encourages speed. And speed kills thoughtful gifting.
5. Screenshots Are Not Systems
What usually happens next?
They send:
- A random Amazon link.
- A blurry screenshot.
- A product name with no details.
- A message saying, “Something like this.”
Weeks later, that message is buried under 347 chats, reels, forwarded jokes, and office updates. Now you’re scrolling desperately through chat history searching for “that blue bag link.”
Sound familiar?
The platform is brilliant for communication. But communication is not organization. And gifting requires organization.
6. The Emotional Load of Decision-Making
Here’s something we rarely acknowledge: asking someone what they want transfers the cognitive burden to them. Instead of easing their special day, we quietly assign them homework.
“Please think about what you want, evaluate price, consider my budget, phrase it politely, and send me links.”
That’s effort. For people who are already overwhelmed, the easiest response is emotional minimalism:
“Really, I don’t need anything.”
Not because they don’t desire. But because decision fatigue is real.
Modern life is saturated with choices. Sustainable brands, fast fashion, tech upgrades, wellness tools, décor trends — the options are endless. When confronted suddenly with “What do you want?” the brain chooses the least energy-consuming path. Silence. Or vagueness.
7. The Fear of Being Judged
There’s another layer.
What if what I want feels too indulgent?
Too niche?
Too boring?
Too practical?
People filter their answers through perceived judgment.
A skincare enthusiast may hesitate to share a ₹3,000 serum.
A fitness lover might avoid mentioning a supplement.
A minimalist may feel strange asking for one specific brand.
WhatsApp conversations don’t create a safe archive of preferences. They create transient exchanges. So people hide parts of their real desires.
8. Memory Is Unreliable
Even if someone answers sincerely, there’s a timing issue.
You ask in January.
The birthday is in March.
Their priorities shift in February.
Life evolves. Interests change. Sales happen. Needs get fulfilled independently. But that old WhatsApp message remains static.
Gifting based on outdated information often results in redundancy.
Duplicate books.
Repeated perfumes.
Another black wallet.
No one complains loudly. They just say, “Oh nice!” And quietly pass it on later.
9. Modern Gifting Needs Modern Structure
We live in a time where:
- People shop across platforms.
- Preferences change quickly.
- Sustainability matters.
- Budgets are tracked.
- Social circles overlap.
- Digital lives move fast.
Yet our gifting method is still: “Hey, what do you want?”
It’s like using sticky notes to manage a complex project. The intention is good. The system is weak. What people actually need is not more messaging.
- They need clarity without awkwardness.
- Expression without embarrassment.
- Surprise without waste.
- Ease without emotional burden.
And above all — continuity. A way to express desires over time, not under pressure.
A Thought to Sit With
Maybe the problem isn’t that people don’t know what they want. Maybe the problem is that we ask them at the wrong time, in the wrong format, with no structure.
Messaging platform is excellent for conversations. But gifting isn’t just conversation. It’s memory, emotion, context, timing, and organization. When we reduce all that to a one-line question, we shouldn’t be surprised by one-line answers.
Instead of asking, “What do you want?”
What if we created space for people to express what they love — continuously, privately, thoughtfully — without pressure? What if preferences were shared naturally over time, not extracted in a moment of social discomfort? What if gifting felt less like guessing and more like understanding? That shift changes everything. Because the best gifts aren’t expensive. They’re aligned. And alignment rarely happens in a hurried chat window.
Next time you’re about to type, “What do you want?”
Pause for a second. Ask yourself: Am I asking because I care? Or because I don’t have a better system?
The answer might change how you gift forever.
What do you think?